Recovery

This post is here to help me clear my head and organize my thoughts. It is not likely to be interesting to most of my regular readers, so feel free to ignore it and move on.

One of the things that I have been doing is talking to the females that are a part of my past, and trying to figure out why relationships always seem to end for me the way that they do. I always say that you should look for the common denominator when you have problems, and the common denominator seems to be me.

One of the women that I have spoken with is a woman who broke up with me fifteen years ago, and had many of the same complaints as the latest one. She is married and lives in Arizona now, and we have slowly begun speaking over the past few years, via email and social media.

Fifteen years is a long time, and long enough that there is no longer any raw emotion or hard feelings that will get in the way of honest discussion. I have been hoping to get some answers that way.

The largest complaint that she had at the time was that I made her feel stupid. She now tells me that our intelligent conversations are what she misses the most about our time together. I remember when we were together, we used to lie in bed and talk for hours, until one of us fell asleep. We talked about everything and we talked about nothing, sometimes until the sun came up. I agree with her, I miss that. She said that she doesn't get intelligent conversation from her current construction worker husband (he calls her a nerd), and that they are always short on money, but she is happy with him.

She told me now, that looking back on it, she thought t the time that I was trying to be jealous and controlling, and was smothering her. She said that she now sees that I was just trying to be a large part of her life, and wishes that she would have talked with me about it, rather than running away.

That got me to thinking:How can I avoid this in the future. Is it that I am not communicating effectively? I tend to not discuss my feelings very much, and maybe that is the problem. I will have to ponder on this for awhile...