Future News

Internet News Service
Wednesday, January 20, 2021

President Walt Disney Company to be sworn in today

Washington- In only two hours, we as Americans will see history made. The new President, Walt Disney Company, will be sworn in today. This is truly a history making moment, as we herald in a new era of American history when we inaugurate the first non-human President in the history of the US and the world.

The groundwork for this was first laid in a series of Supreme Court decisions: First, there was the 1886 case, Santa Clara County v. Southern Pacific Railroad, in which the Supreme Court held that a private corporation is a person and is entitled to the legal rights and protections the Constitution affords to any other person. Later, the 2010 case of Citizens United v. Federal election Commission, in which the Supreme Court held that, for Constitutional rights purposes, a corporation was a person and that a person could not be prohibited from exercising free speech as exercised through spending money for political purposes.

After that came the decision of Hobby Lobby Stores, Inc. v. Sebillius in 2014. In that landmark case, the court reaffirmed that a corporation is a person, even though it rejected the company's assertion that compelling them to provide insurance that against their religious beliefs violated their First Amendment rights.

The big decision came in the case of SEIU v. Federal Election Commission, when the Service Employees Union asserted that a corporate person, being able to donate freely to political causes, should also be able to cast a ballot. The Supreme Court agreed. Overnight, tens of thousands of Corporations registered to vote in Delaware and North Dakota.

The idea of running the Disney company for president began as a joke, said Walt Disney Company CEO Mark Taylor: "We were joking around at a meeting of the Board of Directors about the company running for President. Then, our corporate attorney said, 'Why not?' The rest is history."

Taylor went on to explain that the more they looked into it, the more it looked like it could be done, "The company was started in the USA, it was over 35 years old, and thanks to the lawsuits challenging [President] Obama's eligibility to be elected failing for lack of standing, we knew we were on to something."

Indeed they were. Democrats, happy that a company that supported so many progressive ideas like benefits for domestic partners and gay rights, were excited to vote for such a progressive candidate. Many Republicans felt sure that a large company like the Disney company would stand up for business. Many voters feel like it is time for change, and that is what we are about to get.

This post is satire. It came to me, and I thought it was funny. The court cases mentioned are real, the election of a company to the office of President is not.